


Blunder

by kathkin



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: (but no sex ya dig), Gen, Light Bondage, M/M, implied BDSM relationship, space dorks in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathkin/pseuds/kathkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Is there any particular reason why you’re handcuffed to the console?” / “Oh, aye, course there is. And it’s a good reason too. You know. One of those good reasons people have for cuffin’ themselves to things.”</i> Zoe finds Jamie handcuffed to the TARDIS console. Jamie tries to play it off like it's no big deal. Confusion ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blunder

Really, Zoe reflected later, it was all the Doctor’s fault for not keeping his library in order. She’d just been finishing up a fascinating volume of Martian poetry when she realised that it was only Vol.I, and a quick search revealed that Vol.II was nowhere sensible, like the same shelf as Vol.I. It was only reasonable to go and look for the Doctor, who, at that hour, was normally in the control room or somewhere nearby, tinkering with his instruments.

But when she poked her head around the door, she didn’t find the Doctor. She found Jamie. He was leaning against the console, his stance slightly awkward, staring vacantly at the blank wall with the air of one trying to count bricks to pass the time.

Well, he’d probably know where the Doctor had got to. “Evening,” she said, letting the door fall shut behind her.

Jamie started, twisting into a still more awkward position. “Zoe!” he exclaimed. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“Well, I was looking for the Doctor.” She’d been going to say _but_ , only Jamie interrupted.

He looked around, checking each of the corners, and said, “he’s not here. So, you be on your way.”

“I thought you might –” Zoe’d been walking across the room towards him, but she stopped short. She’d heard a sound, a soft but ominous _clink_. She tried to find the source of the noise, and though Jamie twisted further, trying to hide his hands, it didn’t take her long to spot a tell-tale glint of metal.

“Jamie,” she said, breaking the silence. “Are you – are you handcuffed to the console?”

“No,” said Jamie quickly.

“Yes, you are!” said Zoe. “I can see the cuffs. Look!” She pointed. Jamie had the gall to pretend not to notice what she was pointing at. He shrugged his shoulders. She pointed more emphatically.

“Oh, so I am!” He smiled broadly, raising his bound wrist as if he’d only just himself noticed. “Would you look at that.”

Zoe stared at him, awaiting an explanation. When none was forthcoming, she said, “is there any particular reason why you’re handcuffed to the console?”

“Oh, aye, course there is,” he said. “And it’s a good reason too.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “You know. One of those good reasons people have for cuffin’ themselves to things.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever handcuffed myself to anything,” said Zoe, more baffled by the second.

“Oh? Why not?”

“Well –” Zoe stopped herself from answering that. “Stop changing the subject! Why are you handcuffed to the console?”

Jamie shrugged. “Just am,” he said. “Enough about that. How’re you?”

“What?”

“What’re you doing through here?” he said. “Thought you’d gone to bed.”

“I didn’t go to bed,” said Zoe. “I went to read in the library.”

“Bed, library,” said Jamie. “Both send me to sleep,” he added in a mutter.

Zoe ignored that last part. “Anyway, I have a question for the Doctor. Do you know where he is?” Jamie shook his head. 

“Haven’t seen him,” he said. “Look – is it urgent?”

“Is what urgent?”

“Your question.”

Zoe considered. “I suppose that depends on your definition of urgent.”

“Life or death?” Jamie suggested.

“Well, no,” said Zoe. “In that case it isn’t urgent.”

“Aye, then you be on your way.” Jamie waved her away.

As he shifted, the handcuffs clinked again. Zoe stared. They were the sturdy, old-fashioned kind, the sort that needed a key to open. How utterly bizarre. “So you’re telling me you handcuffed yourself to the console?”

“Did I say that?” Jamie went on before she could answer that yes, he had. “Aye. That I did.”

“ _Why_?”

“Erm,” said Jamie, casting around for an answer. “Because. That’s why.”

Zoe looked him up and down, from his turned-in feet to his flushed face. “Is everything alright?”

“Course it is,” said Jamie. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re handcuffed to the TARDIS console,” Zoe reminded him.

“Aye, so?”

“So that’s a bit,” Zoe cast about for the right word, “unusual.”

“Aye, I suppose,” said Jamie. “But it’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Everything’s fine?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You’re handcuffed to the console, and everything’s fine?”

“Aye.”

“And you handcuffed yourself to the console.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, then.” Zoe tucked her book safely into the crook of her elbow. “Unfasten yourself.”

“Eh?” Jamie blinked.

“If everything’s fine, uncuff yourself,” she repeated.

Jamie cast a desperate look at the door, which sat closed. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Well, because.” He rubbed his free hand awkwardly over his mouth. “I, erm. I cannae do that.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?”

Jamie shot another look at the door. “I dinnae have the key,” he confessed.

“What,” said Zoe, “you mean you’re stuck?”

“No!” Jamie protested. “No. I’m nae stuck. Just don’t have the key.”

“You’re not making any sense, Jamie,” Zoe hissed. “Are you sure everything’s –”

“Everything’s fine,” Jamie said again. He shifted nervously, the chain clinking. “Och, look – the Doctor’s got the keys, alright?”

That raised so many more questions that for a moment Zoe was quite stumped. At length, she settled on, “I thought you said you don’t know where the Doctor is?”

“Well, I don’t,” said Jamie. “He’s on his way back here.” He craned his neck, looking at the door. “I dinnae ken what’s takin’ him so long.”

“So,” said Zoe, still floundering rather, “did he handcuff you to the console?”

“He did a bit,” Jamie admitted.

“I thought you said you handcuffed yourself?”

“I didn’t.”

“You did!”

“Oh, aye, that I did.” He forced a smile. “Anyway, everything’s fine here, so you can be on your way.”

“Actually, if it’s all the same to you I’ll wait here for the Doctor.” Jamie made an exasperated noise. Zoe ignored him. “And _you_ can explain to me why he handcuffed you to the – is that the helix manipulator?”

Jamie peered down at the handle he was cuffed to. “Might be. And will you not drop it?”

“No, I will not!” Zoe exclaimed. “What’s going on?”

“Och, none of your damn business!” Jamie snapped back.

Before Zoe could come up with a suitable retort, the door opened and the Doctor ambled in. Jamie’s shoulders visibly sagged in relief.

The Doctor was holding – was it a shoebox? A green shoebox, which he was staring into intently, rummaging through the contents. “Jamie, I couldn’t find –” Jamie cleared his throat sharply. At the sight of Zoe, a flurry of expressions crossed the Doctor’s face too quickly for her to make sense of them. “Oh, hallo, Zoe,” he said, thrusting his rattling shoebox behind his back. “What a lovely surprise.”

“Doctor,” she said, “what’s going on?”

“Zoe had a question for you, Doctor,” Jamie interrupted.

“Oh, yes!” Remembered her original objective, Zoe brought the book out from under her arm. “Where’s volume two of this?”

“Ah. Hmm.” The Doctor peered at the spine. “Martian Codex, Vol.I? I’m afraid I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“Will you help me look for it?”

The Doctor’s eyes flicked to Jamie, still handcuffed. He was staring intently at the external doors, drumming his fingers upon the console. “I’m rather in the middle of something, actually.”

“Your library’s a mess. You need to get it straightened out.”

“Oh, well, these things do pile up,” the Doctor wheedled. “And I have better things to do.”

“What, things like handcuffing Jamie to the furniture?” said Zoe.

“Well.” The Doctor shifted the box from hand to hand behind his back. “Yes, actually.”

“Why?” said Zoe.

Behind her, there came a snort. She turned to see Jamie doubled over with silent laughter, which he quickly smothered. “Sorry,” he said. “Not laughing at you. Just laughing.”

Zoe looked from one to the other, utterly confounded. And then, at long, long last, the penny dropped. “ _Oh_.” 

She was suddenly fully aware of what she had blundered in on and she had no idea what to do. Of course, she knew what one was meant to do in this situation – apologise and immediately leave – but she feared she might have missed the window for that. Maybe she ought to soldier bravely on pretending she hadn’t noticed.

“Oh indeed,” repeated the Doctor.

But then again, maybe best not. “I think I ought to go.”

“Aye, I think you’d better had,” said Jamie. The Doctor told him to be quiet, and uncharacteristically he did – he was handcuffed, she supposed. That did imply obedience, or submission. Possibly.

She decided not to put any more thought into the details of their sex life – ever, _ever_ – and stammered out an apology. “I’m, um. I’m sorry.”

“Quite alright,” said the Doctor. “I’ll see you tomorrow. We can talk about books then.” Shifting his shoebox, he waved her away.

She was sufficiently dazed that she was halfway down the corridor, her volume of Martian poetry clutched to her chest, before the whole awkwardness of what had happened hit her all at once. She cringed so hard she had to press her forehead against the wall, smothering a whimper of dismay. _Thud. Thud. Thud_ went her head against the wall.

No harm done, she told herself desperately. At least neither of them had been angry. She took a few breaths and, on impulse, doubled back. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe she was curious to know if she’d read the situation right. Maybe she just wanted to be sure she hadn’t ruined their evening.

She doubled back, and listened at the door. She could hear their voices, but they were both speaking too quietly for her to make out individual words. She listened a moment longer, and heard a soft, wet sound of kissing. _No harm done_ , she told herself, and set off back to the library to find a different book.


End file.
